Our Son is due any day now. As day-to-day life takes a backseat in importance for our new arrival, I wanted to share a Dad-to-Be viewpoint and feelings of the big event at this stage of “anytime now”.
I struggle to recall or visualise a situation where a man is so pivotal to an event, yet equally redundant as a third wheel. A unique combination that plays havoc in the mind of a Male. We are simple beings that like to know our place in the world and do the best we can at it. Most scenarios in life are pretty clear-cut as to where we should be, how we should feel and hence react. In this instance we are at opposing roles at the same time. Potentially this should cause us to emotionally stall? Or do we come through with the goods and play our part in the epitome of the Feminine world? Time will shortly tell…
We are prepared for our Son, as best we can be. All the equipment and instructions we are told to need we have. Anti Natal has provided us both with the information needed to be educated about the process and choices. Moreover to prepare us for this life event. The pressure undoubtedly is on the Lady with the task ahead. There is a lot to take in and learn about one of the most natural of procedures know to us. There is a rich bounty of preference and variables. Many coming from shared views of other mum experiences. The anti Natal is good in the sense of creating confidence with information. Takes the unknown out of the equation for both of us. What I took from it after all was put on the table is the best thing to do is to simply “go with the flow”. The body knows what it’s doing and the more you are able to relax and listen to the body, the better it is for mum and baby. For me, I then find ‘birth plans’ and specifics a way of making that outlook harder. “Going with the flow” is just that and what will be, will be. However if you have a plan and are forced to divert slightly this surely creates and opportunity for stress as it is not how it is meant to be? I know if I planned for a life event and it didn’t go right, it would cause some degree of stress. Regardless this is what happens and what millions of ladies do every year. I take the advise given to me and what I digested from these lessons and try to prepare myself for my role.
As if I am now not confused enough with the polar divide of emotions to my place in Labour, but my specific role is even more of a maze. In an ideal world we would want everything to happen quick, painless and mess free resulting in a laughing and giggling bundle of healthy joy with a proud mum and Dad. Simple as us blokes can be, we know this not to be the likely history of events. We want to see our loved ones without pain, but are powerless. We want to help to do our part, but feel powerless. We have the uncertainty of how we are wanted to be used by our partners during birth! A target for choice words and crushed hands? A fetcher, bringing and taking things away as requested? A masseuse to aid with bodily aches? A coach to cheer and encourage? Or told to leave as not wanted at certain points? To make things worse there are all sorts of strangers there that all have an exact purpose and role. How can it be that the one person that is not stranger to the relationship is the one in the total unknown left feeling helpless? We aim to be the emotional and Physical Rock throughout pregnancy, helping to keep life as normal as possible, and supporting when needed. We try to be someone to lean on throughout and would like to extend this into the Labour itself. This support role is made so much harder with the uncertainty, others there and mix of emotion. However, despite everything going against to be that person, pushing us into the unjust third wheel role, I am sure the opportunity will arise and the Dad role to begin as its meant to carry on.
Wherever the I am on the intuitive birth plan, I will be taking the advise from the Anti Natal lady and preparing to simply go with the flow and be willing to do all of the roles requested. The emotions of joy, fear, trepidation among other conflicting feelings with be used or con tainted for the benefit of Our Son and My Partner.